Back to School Bash 2015

Hey Guys, Its Jenna, the magnificence you love to hate. It’s no secret to me that every guy wants to date me (and some of the girls) and every girl wants to be me (some of the guys too—Hai Queens!). But enough about me, let’s talk about the girl who decided to take her desire to be me to the next level. EVERYONE knows that the second-row center seat in every class is MY seat. Just because you moved here this weekend and today was your first day of class is absolutely NO EXCUSE. But, whatever. I hope you enjoyed my gluten-free, dairy-free protein shake. It actually improved that teeny-bopper ensemble you called an outfit. BTW, you owe me a shake, you freak.

Anyhoo, back to life.

I want to give a huge shout out to Becky Carlisky on totally slaying the hall runway in her new Jimmy Choos. Sit with me at lunch tomorrow?

Also, I have no idea where Santana spent her summer vacay but she’s totally gone from whale-sized zero to Teen Vogue hero. Try out for cheerleading, S. A spot just opened up.

Lastly, a spot has opened up for my Physics bestie, since I no longer have one. (Best friends save each other’s seats in class so that clueless, style-challenged newbies don’t steal them, Karen. Btw, all of your lunch table privileges are gone. You are dead to me).

Today’s State of the Union

-Thomas J., Janie has herpes; I wouldn’t go there.

-All newbies are officially on my LIST.

-Grace, I recommend you grovel at Becky’s well dressed feet for some fashion advice because those sandals weren’t even popular when Jesus wore them.

-Nameless new girl, I hate you.

-Skyscraper Skylar had the nerve to wear a tribal print dress. What a monster, she needs to return that tent to the people that lived in it.

*Back to School Bash at the Haver Palace next month. If you want an E-vite, impress me. *